Some of what drives my soul is empowering women. A branch from that is supporting and empowering moms no matter the stage of motherhood that they are in. Motherhood looks different for each of us as there are many stages and groups. We have the moms to be, the new moms, the toddler moms, the stepmoms, the moms that add grand to the title, the homeschool moms, the moms of twins, the moms of teens, the sports moms, the stay at home moms  and so many more out there. 

While we focus on welcoming each other as moms, sometimes we can’t help but gravitate to the moms that we have the most in common with. This does not mean that we have nothing in common with the others. It only means that we are in the same stage of motherhood. 

As we celebrate Mother’s Day this month, below are some mindful notes that I’ve made for myself to empower moms that are not in the same stage as I am.

Engage and Connect with Different Moms

I’ve learned from some of the networking events that I have attended that each mom has a story about their current stage of motherhood and want to talk about it. I make it a point to connect with those moms that are in a different stage than me. For example, at a recent event I met a mom that was in her 50’s or 60’s. I could see in her eyes that she wanted to connect and share her story as the younger moms were doing. Her children no longer live at home. I sat with her and her husband as they shared photos with me of where their son currently resides. It turns out that we had more in common than I thought. We both had visited Asheville, NC and we share the love for breweries in Miami. 

Celebrate Moms in All Stages

Motherhood should be celebrated daily. No matter the stage that we are in, at the end of the day we made it as a mom. If you are starting motherhood and you meet a mom who has their children transitioning to middle school, let’s celebrate her stage as much as you love for another to celebrate how you are doing as a new mom. Same as if you are a mom that has her kids in high school already and you meet a mom-to-be, share that moment under the umbrella of motherhood and give her grace as she’s entering this journey.

Listen and Be Compassionate

Don’t we all struggle as moms? Especially when it comes to disciplining our kids? Let’s stop judging each other on the decisions we make with our children as moms. One morning, a mom that is a member at the all women’s gym I attend, walked in fuming. As she started to let it all out on a vent about the mess her kids made right before school, I stood there for a moment to listen and I thought to myself how I’ve been there many times. She had a tone of frustration because she did not know what to do to discipline them. She also felt some guilt because she had yelled at them. Her eyes started to get teary and at that moment, I hugged her. I didn’t judge her for yelling at them. I did not interrupt her vent by saying one of my stories. This was her stage in motherhood – finding the disciplinary balance. So, I showed her compassion and reassured her that her mom instinct will tell her how to handle this issue.

As I think about these situations, I’m asking myself what stage/group do I find myself? The stage that I’m in of motherhood connects me to the moms of adult children, moms in sports, moms of teens, boy moms, and stepmoms to name a few. But my heart smiles when I connect with other moms in different stages of motherhood. That is when I feel the most gratitude – when we can empower moms. 

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms! You are all rocking the grand stage of motherhood. 

There are a few areas in parenting where, I think, I’ve done a pretty good job. One of those areas is teaching our children to self-regulate – even if we’re still on the beginners level. As a Latina, I know how previous generations have sometimes told us that “children should be seen and not heard,” but I want my children to be seen and heard as they deserve to have that respect. I also want them to be able to communicate their feelings and control those feelings. While I’m not a professional, I do think that I’ve learned quite a bit about helping my children learn how to self-regulate their emotions through my own experiences with therapy and of course the sometimes beyond useful internet. Here are a few strategies that we use in our home to help develop self-regulation skills.

Encouraging Emotional Awareness

The first step I take in teaching self-regulation is helping my children name their emotions. Once we can differentiate what emotions lead us to think and feel, it becomes easier to work through those feelings. 

For example, I was called a “mean mommy” for not giving one of my children a treat because they failed to complete a particular task after three warnings. I allowed her to call me “mean” because I know she was acting out of frustration for not receiving something. Once that moment passed, I sat with her and shared how I know she wasn’t telling me something to hurt me, but that she was feeling a certain way about her own actions and what that cause. We then looked at our mood book and realized that she was feeling sleepy/tired, so we worked through that and how to share that with me so I understand that she needs a break to rest. 

Using Coping Techniques for Big Emotions

Once my children can identify their emotions (or work with me to name those emotions), it’s time to teach them coping strategies to regulate their feelings. A few of our favorites include breathing exercises and muscle relaxation. Between deep breaths and using our calm down box (a small bin of fidget toys), we can usually slow down our minds enough to have our bodies slow down, too. 

For example, when we are beyond the early stages of intense emotions, I pull out “balloons.” These are imaginary balloons, but we all take a balloon and stretch it and then take deep breaths to blow it up. Sometimes not everyone wants to participate in  blowing it up, but it does cause everyone to become distracted enough that we can start bringing the energy down. Once we have the energy lowered, we work through more techniques to not stifle our emotions but problem-solve or settle them in healthy ways. 

Do as I Say AND as I Do

By far the hardest part of teaching self-regulation has been learning how to control my own emotions. We are our children’s first teachers, so they will learn by seeing how we react. I have already been told a handful of times that if it’s “okay” for me to act a certain way why isn’t it okay for them. I have no excuse, so I admit my mistakes and I even share what I should have differently done. By admitting that I’m still learning, I can show them that they don’t need to strive for perfection when it comes to self-regulation.

Teaching our children to self-regulate their emotions is a valuable investment in who they’ll become one day. Remember to be patient, consistent, and compassionate – with both yourself and them – while you celebrate each step forward.

Seeking Professional Help: In some cases, children may struggle with self-regulation due to underlying issues such as anxiety, ADHD, or trauma. If you notice persistent challenges despite everything you’re doing, consider seeking guidance from a pediatrician, therapist, or school counselor. These professionals can offer personalized strategies and support to help your child overcome obstacles and thrive.