Carla shares how she’s overcoming her childhood trauma to give her children her best self as a Latina mom.
Not long after becoming pregnant with my first child, I had a minor mental breakdown. I felt it in my soul that I wasn’t ready to bring a child into this world. I didn’t feel prepared, I didn’t feel mature enough, and the last thing I wanted to do was mess up my kid. There were so many things about myself that I wanted to fix or heal before becoming someone’s mother. After realizing all of this, I decided to take advantage of the time I had left before having my baby. I started to deeply self-analyze myself so that my self-healing journey could begin. I did not want my daughter to have to suffer through some of the things I had experienced, including my childhood.
My Adverse Childhood Experience
Growing up in a Latino household, I noticed from a very young age that my family wasn’t “normal.” I viewed my mother as “mean,” and my relationship with her had been immensely complicated for as long as I could remember. As a child, I felt like a bother, no matter what I did. It felt like my family, particularly my mother, did not like me. I constantly felt like an outcast and was always trying to figure out why things were this way. I promised myself as a child that I would never allow my children to feel the pain I had felt.
Now I realize that wasn’t the case. After years of analyzing the women in my family, I found that generational trauma was a big issue among us. It wasn’t necessarily that my mother didn’t like me, she just happened to be a woman with some unresolved traumas of her own. She was trying to survive just like her mother before her, I came from a line of women who had never heard of emotional regulation. It took me a bit to realize that my mother had tried her best but unfortunately, she had caused me many of my traumas. I desperately did not want to repeat these cycles with my babies. Even though I love my mother, I don’t necessarily want to be like her. I believe that my babies deserve a healed mommy, they deserve a mom who recognizes the complicated dynamics in their Latino family.
The Science Behind It
Studies suggest that Latino families are more likely to experience issues such as generational trauma, household dysfunction, abuse, or neglect, due to migration-related stressors. So basically, due to immigrant parents and ancestors failing to prioritize mental health and never truly understanding their own emotions, nearly 80 percent of Latino youth suffer childhood trauma. After hours of research, therapy, and many late-night conversations with my Mexican grandmother, I finally had a deeper understanding of why my family was never “normal” to me.
My Healing Journey
It was heartbreaking, yet comforting to know I wasn’t the only person of Latino descent, who felt this way as a child. However, now more than ever, I was determined to end the vicious cycle that had affected me so much as a kid. I felt it was my job as a mother to be sure my kids received a different life. I was willing to do anything to give my babies a childhood they wouldn’t have to heal from as adults. I carried on with my self-healing journey by consistently re-parenting myself, continuing therapy, and identifying my triggers.
It has been a long and difficult journey but it’s worth it. Not only am I healing my inner child, but I am also living the peaceful life I craved as a kid. I am proud to be a cycle-breaking mom, healing my childhood trauma pain for the sake of the future generations that come from me. This journey has helped me understand my culture profoundly and has given me a new way of embracing it too. Being Latino may come with certain complications, but it’s a beautiful blessing to be part of this vibrant community.
