Nancyn reflects on her daughter’s transition from toddler to “big girl,” sharing the moments of growing up, parenting, and letting go.
¿Mamá, ya soy una niña grande? Mom, Am I a Big Girl Now?
I heard this question so many times over the past few months as my daughter anxiously awaited her fifth birthday. Every day she asked if it was her birthday, and whenever I’d tell her she couldn’t do something, she’d ask me about being a big girl.
These have been strange months. I know the teenage years are often when kids test boundaries, long to be adults, take on more responsibilities, and eventually become independent. But I didn’t realize this process starts as young as age five.
Sometimes I don’t recognize my daughter anymore. She makes thoughtful observations, she’s learning to read people, and she’s asking questions that I don’t always have the answers to. A year ago, she was very shy and struggled to interact with people. Now she has friends, has picked up slang, and laughs hysterically at “SIX-SEVEN” (insert mom eye roll).
A year ago, she was still playing with toddler toys and laughing at the Minions. Now she sits beside me doing her homework while I work. But more than anything, she wants so desperately to be a big girl. That wasn’t even a concept she understood last year.
My challenge now is guiding her through this big girl phase while helping her understand why she’s still too young for so many things, yet old enough for others.
She’ll soon start receiving an allowance based on completing certain chores. We’ll see how that goes because, whenever she doesn’t want to do something we ask her to, she gets upset and proudly proclaims that she’s NOT a big girl! Sigh…lol.
We’re trying to teach her that she’s part of our family, and we all work together to keep our home tidy and fulfill our responsibilities. She does this well at school, so I’m optimistic on that front.
In other areas…not so much.
She doesn’t understand why she can’t use mami’s face cream or papi’s deodorant, why she’s not supposed to carry the full (and very heavy) gallon of milk out of the refrigerator by herself, or why she can’t go with mami to the gym. Whenever I explain that those are things for grown-ups, she gets sad and says, “But I’m a big girl now.”
Sigh.
I have core memories of these conversations with my own mom when I was around that age. I remember her telling me I was too young for deodorant but that I’d wear it when I got older. I also remember flipping through my grandmother’s Avon and Mary Kay catalogs, pretending to put on makeup. I wanted so badly to be grown up.
Now my daughter wants to wear makeup too. She wants to type on her own computer like her mami, sit in the front passenger seat, and help me cook near the stove. I know she wants to do those things because she sees me doing them.
She’ll get there someday, si Dios quiere.
For her fifth birthday, she received a big girl bed for her own bedroom. She was thrilled about her unicorn sheets and bedspread, and she kept saying how happy she was to finally be a big girl.
Did she sleep in the bed?
No.
Did she end up in our bedroom?
Yes.
My husband and I knew she was anxious despite all the excitement, and we were grateful she came to us when it didn’t feel okay.
As we navigate this new post-toddler phase, I hope she always remembers that no matter how big she gets, she can still come to us whenever being a “big girl” feels a little too hard.
