Maddie reflects on the challenges and joys of raising her Mexican-American daughter to embrace and celebrate her dual cultures.
One of my favorite people to follow online is Marcela Valladolid. She is a Mexican-American chef, author, and TV host (you might remember her from Food Network’s Mexican Made Easy or The Kitchen). Outside of the yummy food she makes, I think I have always admired her because of what she represents—someone embracing both México y los Estados Unidos. My daughter is Mexican-American, and this is my ultimate goal for her as well: someone who celebrates both of her culturas.
Around Día de los Muertos, she posted something on Facebook that really resonated with me. I’m going to share a screenshot below because me encantó how she described her thoughts on the subject of culture.
And I agree with her—culture is supposed to be something that you live and breath and experience. I feel like for someone to genuinely “know” their culture, they can’t just randomly participate in it, but rather they need to completely immerse themselves in it over time.
Pero, that unfortunately isn’t a possibility para mi hija. The Mexican parent, her dad, left when she was 5. Since then, she hasn’t been able to have an authentic Mexican-American life, or a life that has an authentic Mexican influence. I honestly hate that for her, because I want her to always be orgullosa of who she is and where her family comes from. She actually self-identifies as Mexicana, so the fact that she’s almost always surrounded by American culture? Definitely feeling lots of mom guilt over here.
Since I became a single mom, I have tried to find every opportunity I can for her to be exposed to Mexican/Mexican-American culture. Even though it might not be “authentic” or “real” because her experiencias usually don’t occur naturally, hopefully I’m still “doing right” by her. So do I find myself “teaching” her about Mexican and Mexican-American culture? Yep, all the time. But at least she knows about La Virgen de Guadalupe, why she needs to eat 12 grapes at midnight, and how pan dulce is the best thing ever.
I am grateful that many mamás mexicanas are a part of my “tribe,” because it means that my daughter gets to often interact with these amazing women too. After la Navidad, my friend Angie (who also writes for Latina Mom Collective) invited us over to make tamales and play La Lotería. I could tell how accepted and welcomed my daughter felt in Angie’s home, and we ended up having the BEST afternoon. Having Angie’s mom teach us how to make homemade tamales might not have been something we normally do, but it was still real and authentic for my Mexican-American daughter, and that’s what really matters—how she feels. When we left, I could tell how feliz she was to have been surrounded by her Mexican culture, even if it was only for a few hours. I am forever grateful to my amiga for GIFTING (because it honestly felt like a gift) this experience to my daughter.
