Embracing the Unexpected: How Motherhood Redefined Me

June 21, 2024

I never wanted to be a mother. I gave marriage little thought. As a child, I didn’t envision a knight in shining armor, whisking me away to comfort and infinite love. Never imagined a perfect cherub baby, living my days doting on children and a husband. I was always a quirky child. I dreamed of being a starving artist and loved the style and vibe of the 70s. The idea of ever embracing motherhood was truly nonexistent.

As I got older, I wanted to make something of myself, go to college, achieve a career I enjoyed. Any time I would reference putting my career first, I’d be met with, “But what about having kids?” That thought never crossed my mind. I would see kids in public going nuts. I heard them talk to their parents. I endured the shrill screams at restaurants. Plus they always seemed to be so dirty.

These labels of “mother” and “wife” were negative connotations to me. Moms were boring. All they do is care for their kids and never have any fun. Wives cook and clean and complain about how much their husbands suck. I observed marriages in my own family and saw the cheating, the resentment, and the animosity. It seemed like broken families were the norm. I didn’t want that for myself, so why even try?

An Unexpected Reality

But as life would have it, I ended up becoming pregnant.

Over the years I struggled. I was still resistant to putting the “mom” label on. I had never put someone else’s needs before mine. I knew I had to focus on my son, but I also didn’t want to lose myself on an altar of self-sacrifice. I still had ambition and drive to make a successful future for myself on my own terms. There were still things I wanted to do, trips I wanted to take, education I wanted to achieve. I didn’t think any of this would be possible. Luckily, I have an amazing support system who helped out when I needed it.

Motherhood hadn’t changed me completely. I still needed to stay true to myself and my dreams. Otherwise, I would’ve been miserable, holding on to the “what ifs” and “should’ve beens.” I’m a better mother because I put myself first by not losing myself to being this idea of the perfect mother.

I put myself first when I entered that mental health hospital years ago. I needed to stabilize myself and get control of my mind.

I put myself first when I went to graduate school. I knew I needed a leg up as a single mother. It would expand my career opportunities, all of which I deserve.

I put myself first when I use dating apps. Even though I’m a mother, I still deserve love. I want someone who would take me as I am, child and all.

All these decisions I’ve made in my life have made me a better parent. I don’t feel like my son has derailed my life, he has enhanced it. I still have time to read and still have weekends where I get to go out and shop. I still have the space to decompress and veg out when I need it. At the same time, I indulge my son in his interests. I work to give him the best education I can and create chances for us to learn about our culture.

The fear of being a mother whose only priority was their children had been overcome. In my journey through motherhood, I began to break down those stereotypes I had of mothers. They weren’t boring, they do have fun, and we do have lives of our own outside of our kids. I’m thankful to be in community with moms, whether it’s in book clubs, my own social circle, or through blogging. I’m lucky to be in a relationship with someone who loves my son and is embracing their own parenthood journey.

Now I’m proud to wear the label “mom” as I am embracing motherhood.