Spanish is my first language. I didn’t learn to speak English until kindergarten. On the morning of my first day of kindergarten, I went into my parents’ bedroom and cried because I didn’t know English.
I really struggled with English in pre-k, but I picked it up quickly in kindergarten. It helped that my teacher convinced my parents to keep me in school all day with both the bilingual and English-speaking classes. I learned English so quickly that I was selected to read at my kindergarten graduation.
In the first grade, I mostly stopped speaking Spanish, even at home, and by that point, I was teaching my younger sister English. By the third grade, I had forgotten basic words in Spanish. That’s when my dad intervened and declared no more English at home. Period.
My dad took this further and assigned us readings in Spanish (especially during the summer). My parents were determined to NOT let us forget our language. And it worked.
My sister and I weren’t really resistant to this. Maybe we understood why my parents were so insistent. Regardless, my sister and I both speak, read, and write Spanish fluently, and we only talk to each other in Spanish. It became a running joke (in a good way) among our friends–they know that my sister and I will never speak to each other in English, even if it means having to take the extra step of translating our conversations to our friends.
I clearly remember my worry as a five year-old entering an English-only environment. My daughter is now in the same position: a Spanish-speaking four-year old starting school in an English-only environment.
I was really worried that she would get scared or anxious without being able to communicate with anyone around her, but unlike her mami, she has not struggled to learn English. It’s only been three weeks since the school year began, and her language skills have improved immensely.
I’m relieved, and we practice both languages at home. But I also worry because I know what’s coming…she will eventually want to speak more English than Spanish. I know this is normal. Most of her days will be spent interacting with others in English, and the Spanish will only be spoken at home or among family. She will start to forget Spanish; I’m already seeing it.
So my husband and I will have to tackle this on a daily basis to help her become fluent in both languages. My son doesn’t talk yet, so we’ll cross that bridge later.
Why is it so important for me that my children learn Spanish?
Many of their family members still live in Mexico. If my kids don’t learn Spanish, they won’t be able to communicate with their abuelita, tias, tios, and primos. There are also economic advantages to being bilingual, which I hope help them in their chosen career paths.
But most importantly, I want my children to take pride in their roots. I’m a historian, and I am fully aware of the long history of Mexican and Mexican American children being physically punished at school for speaking Spanish.
I’m currently researching Blackwell School, a segregated Mexican school in Marfa, Texas, where children of Mexican descent were discouraged from, and punished for speaking Spanish. I can only imagine what those children felt when their teachers said that the language they spoke, the language spoken by their parents was…bad. Some Blackwell alumni have spoken about the ensuing trauma from that cultural and linguistic erasure.
I don’t ever want my children to feel ashamed of their identities or their families.
My family, like many Mexican American families, varies linguistically. Our relatives in Mexico speak Spanish (and some members of my husband’s family speak indigenous dialects). The immigrant generation in el norte speaks Spanish and some English, and my generation (the cousins) are mostly bilingual.
Now, our kids speak only English, or are trying to learn some Spanish. But the Spanish language is always present–in the music at the carne asada, at the bailes, in the names of dishes we eat, in the conversations among the elders, in the nicknames we give each other, in the games we play like loteria and toma todo.
For my family, we may not all be fluent in Spanish, but that language represents home. Only time will tell how much (or little) my children will retain in their first language, but I hope it always feels like home.
