Jessica shares how parenting in difficult times in a world of information can be challenging, but with a few tips it can be done without the burnout.
Can I be okay while nothing is okay? Yes. I know the answer HAS to be yes. Because I’m a mother, a boss, and a woman. But most importantly, por que soy la hija de mi madre and one thing she showed us time and time again is that we keep going. And I have to do it especially for the three beautiful kids who need me day in and day out. But how we move forward matters. Our actions contribute to our outlook and there is always the gentle reminder that the ones who matter, our little people at home, feed off our vibes and energy. I learned that lesson the hard way with our middle child, but that’s a story for another time.
Parenting During Difficult Times
The year is off to a tough start for many of us, as an immigrant from Mexico I feel the pain in every bone in my body when I see our community being targeted. Being a daughter of immigrants and an immigrant myself has been the thought that’s always with me, but even more lately. Being a parent adds a level of responsibility for what the kids might hear or experience, or even how they feed off my own struggles, trying to be a good mom, as good as I can most days with everything going on, staying focused and safe. With a background in grassroots organizing, I know how real it is to get burned out from these types of environments and I cannot afford to fall into it.
That’s why I’m doing my best to keep going and set the boundaries that I need to echarle ganas y salir adelante, while being mindful of our risks and our power. If the steps that I’m taking to work through these times are of any help to you please use them, and if you have any other suggestions on how to parenting during difficult times please share them and tag me to keep them in my list as we navigate these years of the most unexpected reality.
Tips to Navigate Through A World of Information
Be Purposeful
It’s easy to fall into the trap of the in-betweens, when you finish a task and try to get a mental break or even catch up with the virtual world, family, and friends in social media. But that can easily turn into doom scrolling and bombarding information from the current state of the world. I struggle between keeping myself informed versus letting my empath heart get tangled in the news of daily events that lately change drastically from one day to another. That’s why I aim to be purposeful with the accounts and people that I allow to take my mental space and stay away from posts that are only trying to get a reaction out of me and usually not a positive one. Instead, I block time to do my research and read articles from sources that I trust and support initiatives that align with my values, while leaving space for time-sensitive actions that support organizations that I believe in.
It doesn’t work 100%, but this shift has definitely helped the emotional soreness that comes with heavy subjects impacting my community and groups that I support.
Set Your Boundaries
This is probably the hardest for a former people-pleaser like me, but it’s absolutely necessary. I need to understand that I come first, because if I cannot be okay, those who depend on me won’t be okay. It’s important to communicate with those around you what is okay to share and what you’d prefer not to discuss as a casual conversation or even in front of the kids. I may even note my preference for journalist articles rather than the click bait links. But at a minimum, when I hear something I really don’t have the capacity to process at the moment, I let them know I’m trying to avoid that type of content or that I’m not in the best state of mind for the conversation they might want to have.
Put Your Worries to Action
When the bad news cannot leave your mind alone, get it out of your body choosing what’s best for you. Also, focus your actions where your worries are volunteering in causes that focus on those areas. Look into opportunities with your church, or your go-to organization that supports the groups you’d like to give back to, especially those who have been losing so much. You can also seek positive stories that outweigh the negative ones, they might be harder to find but I can assure you they exist. Learn about them and share the goodness as you may bring light to someone’s day.
Find the Joy and Make Time for It
Now more than ever we must find the time to do things that bring us joy and re-energize us. This doesn’t make us insensitive to current challenges, but it reminds us that we are human and cannot live in a state of emptiness and struggle without terrible consequences to our health. Dance to your favorite song, watch a funny movie, read stories from the past where struggles were overcome, make something it doesn’t have to be pretty just enjoy the process, and of course bring the kids along and make great memories!
While we navigate parenting in difficult times and how to stay afloat as a mom, make sure you understand your rights and responsibilities according to your unique status, because we have many shared experiences but also distinct situations. A song that has come to mind often and where I’ve found refuge is one by La Santa Cecilia and Lila Downs released in 2021, “Quiero Verte Feliz.” It reminds me to look for the happiness that our hearts are hungry for to feed our souls and spirits. Escúchala y échate una bailada while you’re at it mija.
Quiero bailar, quiero echarme a reír
Y no pedir disculpas
Ya estuvo bueno de tanto sufrir
Yo quiero verte feliz
