A summer trip took our family to the city where I was born in the northern Mexican state of Chihuahua. It had been 8 years since I visited. Seeing the house where I grew up made me think of the dualities in my life and how far removed it felt from my current life, but memories from my childhood were so vivid that they could wrap me up in a hug and take me right back to my life in Mexico. That is the immigrant experience, living in two worlds where it seems we’re forced to pick, but that’s hardly ever the solution. The good experiences and the tough parts of my upbringing I embrace and treasure, every memory from my two homes are part of me, they’ve seen me develop into the mujer I am today. Porque soy de aqui y soy de allá.
Yo soy Parralense
I am Mexican-American
Yo soy el olor a tierra mojada mientras mi bisabuela barre su patio
I am the fireworks from Fourth of July welcoming my move to the US
Yo soy los días en la tienda de abarrotes de mis abuelitos
I am missing home cooked meals from mi familia
Yo soy las tardes con mis primos comiendo granadas del árbol de mis bisabuelos
I am the polite smile when people speak English to me and I’m clueless ignoring what they mean
Yo fui mi inseguridad de padres divorciados y dudas de mi niñez
I am las cartas de mi madre that remind me I’m not alone
Yo soy mi tÍa reservándome comida sin cilantro por disgusto de niña
I am the humidity that fogs up my glasses when I go outside in Florida
Yo soy la del cuadro de honor académico
I am the hours my step-mom spends helping me with English homework
Yo soy los bailes y bromas de mi tío ambientando fiestas
I am the courage to go to school everyday not understanding the language
Yo soy las tardeadas de secundaria bailando ska
I am the latin community welcoming otra de las suyas
Yo soy las pijamadas sin dormir con mi cuarteto
I am the protestas and rallies organized for immigration reform
Yo soy los deseos de ser el orgullo de la familia
I am the numerous calls to mi papá asking “¿como arreglo esto?”
Yo soy la casa de mi abuela, multigeneracional y siempre alguien que viene o va
I am the college applications figuring out how that works
Yo soy las fiestas de cumpleaños organizadas por mi ‘ama
I am my college experience, living at home and working my way through it
Yo soy el olor a chile chilaca en el comal
I am the breezy beach naps
Yo soy la despedida del mundo que conocía
I am the immigrant struggle
Yo soy la hermana mayor
I am the mother of three Floridian kids
Yo soy la suma de generaciones de mujeres que buscaban lo mejor para su familia y los suyos.
I am the complexity of feeling so far from what’s yours and the guilt of starting to embrace a new you. Wondering if everything was really better back home or is the nostalgia missing our love ones and la Tierra que nos vió crecer. Either way, learning to love all of me and what’s helped me to be.
