As a Latina mom, my examples of motherhood and womanhood have always been these powerful women who are kind, devoted, strong, and resilient. They are a combination of wonder woman, speedy Gonzalez and a goddess all together. My mom, my Tita, my tia and amigas all have made it look so easy.
However, now that I am finding myself in the role of motherhood, between raising kids, showing up for work, volunteering, and maintaining healthy friendships and relationships; trying to squeeze in a little time for myself is almost impossible. All this leads for my burned out mentality to look at comparison and societal expectations
I often feel the pressure to “do it all”, not only because we have been used to see our families and relatives do it, but personally because I often get the “well your mom lives with you, she pretty much does everything for you.” This comment in particular hits hard, because whether is from co-workers, friends, or relatives, it is hard to try to argue that my mom is not my babysitter, nor my nanny, nor my housekeeper. So here I am trying to work on everything and try to show that I can also do what that mom on Instagram shows in her routine of workouts, kids, DYIs, jobs and endless to-dos.
sOCIAL MEDIA SCROLLING IS NEVER ENDING. tHE WORLD WHERE everyone’s life looks picture-perfect, and it LEADS to start questioning if I’m enough.
But here’s the truth: we are enough. Whether social media is involved, or our society or anyone. Us moms, and especially us Latina moms are worthy more than just a hashtag, filter, or societal standard.
The Pressure We Carry
The cultural expectations we carry as Latinas are, to be the nurturing mom, the supportive daughter, the selfless friend. And while those roles are rooted in love and community, they add such a weight on our worth and path towards believing that we must meet everyone’s needs before our own. Nowadays, we have been added more of the pressure from social media, which tells us how we should dress like, how we should parent, or even what is the correct way to make tortillas de harina, it can leave us feeling like we’re failing.
All these expectations and demand that are present virtually and societally make it almost impossible for us to find the real meaning between right and wrong. Then the questions between, should I put a burrito for lunch to my kid or an organic meal in the $30 bento box give you a severe anxiety because you just feel the need to be hard on you rather than support yourself and your own beliefs.
A New Kind of Kindness
Being kind to yourself means rewriting those messages. I’ve always believed that kindness is free and that it is important to give yourself permission to be real and imperfect. However, as someone who’s constantly impacted by the pressure of what others do, I find myself constantly giving that advice to others but not following it myself.
I am unkind to myself, but I can proudly say that with age, I am finally working to recognize that your worth doesn’t come from likes, followers, or comparisons. Tu valor como mujer y persona, comes from the love you pour into your family, the joy you share, and the courage that runs through our veins as Latinas.
Easy ways to practice kindness can look like saying “no” without guilt. Sometimes it’s making time for lunch and margaritas with that group of friends who lift you up, or ordering pizza for dinner because you don’t feel like cooking and washing dishes for the night. And sometimes, it’s just standing in the mirror and saying, “Soy una Fregona.”
Teaching Our Children by Example
Now, as moms we need to set the tone for how our children see themselves. We need to show them that social media and society are not who define who you are. It starts with us, setting those boundaries, the way that our mothers set the boundaries while raising us. My mom always told me, “Tu no eres ni menos ni major que nadie, tu eres tu y eso te hace mucho y te hace unica”, yet at that time social media didn’t exist. So now as a mom I have to tell my son and my daughters the same thing.
I am working on setting boundaries like unplugging from my phone, or celebrate small wins, all with the idea that they learn that worth isn’t measured by comparison. It’s essential that our children learn that being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to others.
Your Worth Is Yours
So, to every Latina mom reading this: gracias. Give yourself a high five, and a big hug. Be kind, and value the hustle and the path you’ve gone through. Most importantly don’t allow the power of social media apps define your value nor try to prove yourself to strangers online. Your worth is not up for debate or number of followers, you are earned all of it with your existence.
Being kind to yourself, is having courage to go beyond societies’ expectation. It’s saying, “I am more than enough,” in a world that constantly tells us otherwise. So as I am working on believing my worth, I invite you to do it as well. Let’s work on believing that a TikTok with those Tortillas de Harina is not going to change the recipe with learned from our abuela, and that whether we like working out at 5am or simply taking our coffee at that time doesn’t make us any less of a mother. We need to empower our children, our families, and our comunidad, by empowering ourselves first.
